supporting students
supporting a friend
it can be really difficult when one of your friends has been subjected to sexual violence. they're likely to feel a range of emotions including fear, sensitivity and isolation so it's really important you support them gently in a way that works best for them.
by coming here, you've already shown you're a fantastic friend, so congratulate yourself on that!
this page will show you how you can support your friend in a way that is specific to their needs. different people need different kinds of support, and what they need may change over time so try to be patient if what worked one day doesn't work the next.
what are the different types of support?
listening support
take the time
to explore their feelings with
them and process what has happened.
have a look below for our tips on how you can be
a good listener to your friend.
alone time
they may just need some time to themselves to process what they’ve been through. respect their space, but make sure they know they can come and talk to you whenever they need, and ask if they would like you to check in on them later.
distraction
they may need your help in taking their mind off things, this is usually most effective when it is something active that will keep their brain engaged such as playing some games, trying a new or well-loved activity, or exploring a new place.
quiet company
sometimes they may just need your presence for comfort and security, but still want to be able to think things through on their own without having to talk
how to listen...
here are some handy tips to help you be a better listener to your friend. you don't have to get it perfect straight away, just try your best!
avoid judgemental language
your friend is probably
feeling very vulnerable right now
so will be especially sensitive to what
you're saying. for example, ‘why’
questions often sound judgemental or accusatory, so try to reword the question using 'how', or 'what'. for example, instead of asking:
why are you upset?
ask
what do you think is making you feel this way right now?
what's on your mind?
or
silence
this may seem
awkward or strange but sometimes a simple response
of ‘mmm’ and a nod to show you’re listening, followed by silence will give them the space to process
what they've said and think deeper, they will talk again in a minute when they have gathered their thoughts. while it may feel like silence for you, they have a lot going on in their head so it isn't
for them.
ask open questions
an open question is any question that doesn't invite just a 'yes' or 'no' answer.
for example, ask...
​​
how are you feeling?
instead of...
are you okay?
don't assume their feelings
this one can be hard
to get used to, so don't worry
if you catch yourself doing it.
ask them how they're feeling and give them the space to explore
that with you. even if your assumptions are correct, it's
helpful for them to be able to explain their feelings out loud,
try to be patient while they do
this as it may take time.