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support circle
emotional support
creating an environment that is safe, non-judgemental, supportive & compassionate can help the individual subjected to sexual violence & abuse feel reassured & empowered. being there for us emotionally can also help their healing process. here are some tips if you are looking to provide emotional support. remember to take what you can and look after yourself.
emotional support tips
effective listening
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when an individual subjected to sexual violence& abuse knows that they are being listened to, they feel supported. they feel like what they have to say is important & their experience is validated. effective listening might not be as easy as you think it is. the purpose of listening is to create a safe container where we are able to express ourselves freely without judgement.
it may feel natural to offer advice or try to take action when you know that someone you care about has been subjected to sexual violence & abuse. however, sometimes all we need is to feel heard & have our humanness valued.
effective listening strategies
ask if we need you to listen- sometimes its difficult to know if we want practical advice or just want someone to listen to us. you can always ask, "is it okay if i just listen to you today or is there anything else you need me to do?".
give us your full attention- try your best to minimise any distractions or think about preparing a response to what we say. showing us that your are fully present makes us feel valued. show us that you are listening by nodding or saying "yes" and "uh huh".
clarify- give a summary of what we have said to reassure us that we have been understood. you could say, "what i'm hearing is..." or "this is what i've understood...". this also gives us the opportunity to express ourselves differently if our truth has been misunderstood.
be open-minded- be open to learning something new from us. try your best not to let your past experiences, assumptions & previous judgements affect what you hear. try to look at the situation from our point of view. this is how you are start to build empathy.
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being non-judgemental involves hearing everything that we have said without criticising us or saying that we we say, do or feel is "wrong" or "inappropriate". it is important to have compassion for ourselves when we form judgements about other people because this is how we have been conditioned to keep up safe. however, we have to remember that people have different experiences, opinions & values. this may mean that the way they react in certain situations may be different from the way you react. a big part of practicing non-judgement comes from the awareness of when a judgemental thought comes up. whilst you may not always agree with what has been said, know that expressing this may be inappropriate as we are processing trauma & are easily triggered.
good phrases to use phrases to avoid
i hear that X has made you feel upset, angry, disappointed etc. Would you be able to explain why it makes you feel that way?
the way you feel is totally valid. i won't judge what you fear because i cannot imagine being in the situation that you are in.
i think that feeling X is really unhealthy/wrong/inappropriate. maybe try & look at the situation a different way.
i definitely understand how you feel because I've also been in a similar situation.
non-judgement
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showing understanding means that you emotionally connect with the individual who has been subjected to sexual violence & abuse. this can be comforting for us to know that we are not alone & can also provide a better insight for you. The two most important things you can show are empathy & compassion. empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes. In other words, you try to imagine what it might be like to be in the situation that the person you are supporting is in & what feelings may come up for them. Compassion means that you show love & patience towards us. It lets us know that you understand that things are not easy for us & that you don't expect us to carry on as if things were normal.
phrases that show empathy and compassion
i will hold space for you to feel whatever you need to feel. please know that you are explore anything you would like with me.
please take as much time as you need. i will always be here for you.
i cannot imagine how you must be feeling right know but just know that i have so much compassion for you.
understanding
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