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support circle
practical support
helping us out with practical tasks & chores can allow us to focus more time and energy into our healing process. an individual subjected to sexual violence & abuse is likely to not be able to function or perform daily tasks as usual. whilst it is not recommended to act as our carer- as this can disempower us- asking us what our needs are & meeting them to whatever extent you feel comfortable with can help us move through trauma at our own pace.
helpful tips
prioritise tasks that have a sense of urgency to them. for example, help us make a doctor's appointment in respond to our concerns about the risk of sexually transmitted infections or pregnancy, assist us with childcare or inform our school or workplace that we may not be able to attend for a while. it may help to write down a list of worries with us to determine what the main ones are. this will help eliminate the most pressing stressors & make us feel like we are making significant progress in the most important areas.
prioritise
would you be able to tell me what task you are most worried about right now? i would like to help you complete this is whatever way i can.
i hear that they are a lot of things that are stressing you out right now. shall we pick one thing & then work towards doing it together?
i am wondering if your basic needs are being met at the moment? do you have enough food, water, a safe place to live? etc.
i am wondering if you have any children/anyone who you are currently care for? are their basic needs being met at the moment?
focus on our basic needs
it is very important that you determine whether our basic needs are being met in the first place. this is because they are the foundations for progress and healing. basic needs include having access to nutritious food, clean water, a safe place to live & warmth. this can also be extended to emotional support. if we have any children or other dependents, it is important to make sure that their basic needs are being met as well.
things that you could support us with...
help us make a doctors appointment &/or attend the appointment with us.
do the shopping for us
cook us a meal &/or help us meal prep for the week
speak to our welfare officer at school/university or our employer to say that we may not be able to attend or work as normal
take our kids to school & pick them up after school
help us with some household chores. for example, wash the dishes or water the plants
help us pursue our hobbies & passions. for example, buy us some paint if we like painting.
exercise, meditate, eat, talk etc. with us. we really value your company.
explain to our family & friends that we are going through a period of trauma- if we want you to.
remember to set boundaries
even though you care about a loved one and want to give them as much practical support as you can, it is important to set boundaries. you should only do things that you are comfortable with & are within your abilities. this will help you avoid burnout, resentment & poor mental health. it maybe a good idea to give us specific examples of things you can help us with.
i'm really sorry to hear you are going to such a traumatic time right now. i'm happy to support you by bringing you some shopping every two weeks or picking up the kids from school on Monday afternoons. How does this sound?
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