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support circle
keeping the support going
when someone goes through a traumatic experience, it is usually the case that people tend of offer most of their support at the beginning of the crisis. this would be right after we have told you about the sexual violence & abuse. however, healing is never a linear process & can take a lot of time. we may be requiring support for months & even years. for this reason, it may be a good idea to offer support frequently in small amounts. this helps us know that you are there for us in the long time. it is also important that you don't put our needs above yours & burn out. please remember to look after yourself.
set expectations and boundaries
whilst you may want to help an individual who has been subjected to sexual violence & abuse as much as possible, please remember that doing everything for them can be disempowering & may encourage co-dependency. remember that you can only help as much as you can. therefore, it is a good idea to set expectations & boundaries.
things you could say
i understand that this is a very difficult time for you. i'm willing to do the shopping for you every Sunday evening if this is something you think would help.
i'm really sorry but i won't be able to do that today. i'll be more than happy to do that next week though. in the meantime, X might be able to help.
if you'd like me to come over or if you'd like to go for a walk, the best time for me would be either Friday afternoon or Saturday evening. i'll be able to spend about an hour with you.
i'm always happy to support you but i want you to be able to look after yourself too. do you want me to introduce you to meditation so that you can do it yourself when i'm not around?
you inspire us to heal!
as we embark on our healing journey, our wants & needs might change as we grow as people. this may mean that the support that we are grateful to receive now may not be needed in the future. It could also mean that we need a different kind of support. Possibly, from someone else. this may be rewarding to see as you know what you've done has made a difference to our lives. at the same time, you may feel as if you have a lack of purpose. but the love & support you have shown us throughout this time will always be transferable in other aspects of life. just like when you show us compassion, we hope that you show yourself compassion. just as we grow, you grow too. most importantly, you have been a part of our healing journey. healed people heal others. and by healing, we are doing the healing work for the generations to come. thank you for inspiring us to heal so that we inspire the future generations to heal with us.
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